Leo Ponder

We Desperately Need To Keep William Jefferson Clinton



Posted: Saturday, August 30, 2008

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This may sound strange but think of this country without Bill at the helm.No adult entertainment. No sex education. No mysterious murders, of his close friends, to solve. (this one used to keep us busy by its self). No Chinese renters. No more lexicography lessons. (if he had to teach us the meaning of a little word like "is", just think of what he could teach us of much grander syllables.)

I mean its enough to make a man revert to puffing the "El Cheapo cigaro" again. What else can we do but watch boring, sterile t.v. when Bill leaves. There must be some way to keep him for a third term. God, think about it, George and his sickening morality. Gore and his never ending bragging. We could end up permitting the children back watching prime-time t.v. instead of shooing them out of the room, or worse yet, we could watch congress pass bills to limit the number of bills, instead of a rousing fight on the floor of the senate to call some dumb blonde to testify about how Bill accosted her in her hotel or even better, detailing on the floor of the senate as to where Bill's birthmark really is located.

Get the picture yet? We need to keep him. He's our only deviation from life's boring routine. We really ought to petition congress to allow him one more term, at least. By then my children will be grown and Jennifer will be an old hag. But the next four years (or eight?) would be a hoot and maybe by then Monica will write a bestseller. (maybe indicating where that birthmark really is)

Another excellent reason to keep Bill stems from the male chauvinistic psyche and it's a question all men have a burning need to know. How does he keep his wife so deliriously HAPPY? (and out of divorce court). I mean this man has genuine talent!

He even has the feminist majority drooling. What true blue American male wouldn't give to download that from his secret files. I mean the most important truths to a male are still to be learned from our President. How many good men have lost it all because of one night working late (it's always with his secretary) or a speck of lipstick on the collar? How many wives would fault Falwell and the religious right for that!!? Or better still jaunt off to some big city and run for the Senate. Not many, I'm convinced of that!

Personally, his last eight years has enlightened the spirit of cheerfulness and ease in America. No nuclear bomb threat. No war. No time for all that non-sense. We (and it seems the world) are waiting on the next act from W.J. Then we can settle back in our easy chairs, with a calculated sigh of relief.

Where are we going to find another William Jefferson Clinton. Even the name invokes greatness. He will be on the lips of many for years to come and he will have succeeded in changing the boring lackluster of the office of President of the United States of America. Write your congressman!

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